Before I move on with my new Neurosurgeon saga(which I may save for a Part 3 because this is a pretty long, rough story) let's cut to my first real hospital experience with a suction tube or whatever they call it. The stomach pump. If it has a fancy medical name, put it in the comments. I can't remember the exact date, but there was one terrible day that ended with me having this tube shoved down my nose. From what I remember, I was recovering from a previous revision...and eating like normal, finally. But unbeknown to me, my body wasn't digesting anything. It was just building up in my stomach. And one day, me and my dad were at home together, and I spent the whole day in and out of the bathroom, puking. So, I did what I always did. I texted my ICU/ER nurse squad that I'd become friends with over the years and asked their opinions in a group text. "Get your butt to the hospital" was the basic consensus. Me, my dad, and my butt went to the ER.
Let me stress: A suction tube is the worst experience you can have as an awake human being in a hospital setting, especially when it's done improperly. Over the years, I got stuck with nurses who were "learning" when I was having my worst days. If you've spent any time in the hospital, you know what I'm talking about. You want the best of the best and for whatever they have to do to be painless and smooth as possible. Because you are already either in pain or throwing up things you ate in middle school.
So, Nurse Awful At Her Job, comes in with all the equipment and lube needed to cram this tube down my nose. My dad is sitting in the corner chair when she comes in. Spoiler Alert: When it's actually happening, he bolts out of the room like he's on fire! So, Nurse Awful tries to comfort me beforehand by giving me a pep talk. "I'm going to go as fast as I can. You'll want to throw up and fight it. Don't." I was fully pepped. She lubes up the tube and starts shoving. Now the quick process she spoke of went out the window. Every few seconds, she would put a little section in my nose, then STOP...and pet my head and say, "Relax." After about a minute of this, I violently start gagging, then puking. She's still going slow and petting me. I remember wanting to wrap the tube around her neck and pet her head while she blacks out. But I don't. I just keep puking while she takes at least 15 minutes to finish. It was by far the worst thing I'd ever experienced. I don't recommend putting it on your bucket list.
So, once that's over and my dad feels safe coming back in the room, they admit me into the Neuro ICU. Now, when I say the tube was done improperly, I mean that it was not sitting in the right spot in my stomach, so I was constantly in discomfort. After hours of threatening to rip it out myself, my new NSG, Desilva comes in and tells my favorite nurse to pull it out. We laugh to this day about it, because I was yelling at her to take it out or I'd punch her and she's telling me it's only coming out if I'm nice. So after some negotiations and a fake smile on my part, she takes it out.
From that day on I vowed to never let anyone shove one of those in me again. One horrific experience was enough for me. And DeSilva being the one to authorize its removal, endeared him to me for a time. But there would come a day where he too would become my enemy.
Find out why in PART 3 of my neverending tale of shunted madness!
